luninosity | book things!

(Why do I not have a holiday/Christmas icon? This is the closest, I think...)

A quick post today - a story release, and me doing a guest blog about it!

So…“Sugarplums and Sailing Ships” is out now from JMS Books!

16k of holiday baking show m/m romance! A crossover in which Jason & Colby from the Character Bleed books get to meet & hang out with Nate & Marcus from Gingerbread Dreams!

With…

~baking show excitement, Jason & Colby being guest judges, and innuendo about cream

~Terrible Holiday Sweaters, which Marcus will never wear

~Colby being quietly good at advice, and Nate not throwing marshmallows at anyone (yet)

~Jason solving a problem or two

~apparently, a moment that made my editor tear up! So…er…enjoy? (Happy endings, I swear! They were good tears!)

You can find it at Amazon here, or JMS Books here, or all the other usual places!

ALSO! I have done a guest blog post chatting about it over on the lovely Ofelia Grand's blog! With an excerpt! So...come and read about it?

Okay, back to grading! Love you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Colby is interesting to write, I think, because he's very good at empathy for others, and he's always willing to try to see the best in people - which sometimes the people need! He looks at people with a lot of kindness: "oh, of course you're trying your best, of course you care about people, of course you've just made a little mistake, but it's all right, you didn't mean to and you won't do it again, so that's all right, isn't it? there's no irrevocable harm done, not at all, and of course you're a good person, and how can I help, if you would like help? would you like some lemon tarts?" And then the people are just, like...whoa, okay, so...maybe I am somehow a good person? maybe I can do this? maybe I want to be the sort of person Colby Kent thinks I am? somehow I've now said yes to starting a culinary foundation and also I feel better about myself? (Colby would be an excellent negotiator or diplomat or something, even though he doesn't realize it. Everybody would just find themselves helplessly bemusedly swept up in the niceness, and somehow they just couldn't let him down by not agreeing to things / being their best selves.)

But then the flip side of that is that he tends to...not be as kind to himself, personally. He never wants to cause any bother and he'll tend to say, "oh, no, I'm fine, I can handle it, no need to fuss, how can I make this easier for YOU?" about whatever it is, along with things like, "well, Liam isn't THAT bad really, he held an umbrella for me that one time and he puts up with me, even though I'm really very odd and anxious and not good in bed, and not many people WOULD put up with me, I do know that, so I should certainly keep trying to please him..." Which is something Jason (and their therapist) is gently trying to help with: reminding him that he's equally important, and that if he's unhappy or hurt he's allowed to say so, not just accept it.

(...and now I have a vague plot bunny. Of course I'm still partway through the top!Colby story, taking care of Jason - which is important! - but now I actually want the sort of emotional hurt/comfort story in which Jason completely accidentally said or did something...not too major, but something like...oops, I stepped on one of your really nice pens and broke it, or spilled something on your one-of-a-kind signed first edition of this book...and obviously it's an accident but it'd still be understandable if Colby was a little *upset*, right? but instead Colby's very clearly not allowing those emotions to happen, trying to say it doesn't matter, and Jason's finally like, "PLEASE JUST GET MAD AT ME. At least a little annoyed. SOMETHING. It's OKAY if you're upset with me." And then they talk about it.) (Talking about things: the plot of all my stories... :D )

Love to you and your family! Dealing with loss is always so complicated, even if it's expected...so many emotions, and people go through them differently, and process them differently and at different times...lots of compassion needed, and patience. But fortunately it sounds like your holiday was overall good! <3

Oh I love the idea of Colby as a diplomat. I immediately remembered Shirley Temple as an ambassador to the UN and how tactfully, powerfully effective she was at a time when male chauvinism in government was still strongly pronounced. Colby would have that same effect I think! The person that most people cannot bear to disappoint, who is still non-judgmental and supportive. (I had a sudden flash of Colby moderating a presidential debate!) I think exploring that self-sacrificing aspect is fascinating. There's a Buddhist axiom: "Drive all blame into the self." Which is intended to prevent the error of projecting one's pain, disappointment, envy, etc. on others. The trick of course (and I 've had Buddhist teachers warn about this) is the necessity to balance what should be recognizing the Buddha nature in others and not recognizing it in one's self! I think Jason's response is perfect; letting Colby know he can safely be angry about the action without being seen as rejecting Jason, or damaging the relationship. What a fascinating story that will make...especially since Jason still carries undeserved guilt himself. A great opportunity for both of them. Thank you for your kind thoughts; they are greatly appreciated.

Ooh, yes, Colby would be such a good moderator - well, in some ways. Incredibly encouraging and tactful, but he'd also hate to interrupt anyone, and he wouldn't enjoy it if voices got raised! But he'd have thoughtful questions and talking points. (He'd be a good professor, actually - he might not be the most forceful or the loudest-voiced when, say, giving a paper or on a roundtable, but all the research would be brilliant and all the students would come to his office for advice and baked goods.)

This little snippet is ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, now! :D

#

Jason looked at him more closely. “Hey. It’s okay if you’re mad at me.”

“Oh, no.” Colby’s eyes got even wider, dismayed. “No, I’m not, it’s fine—of course it was an accident, I’m not at all mad at you, I should’ve noticed it was on the floor, it’s my fault.”

Jason felt that one like a kick to the chest. “Colby. Babe. No, it’s not your fault, and you can be upset with me, you know that, right?”

“Of—of course…but…I shouldn’t be, not for this, I’ll just get a new pen—and a new rug, that’s easy enough, I’m sure we can find something we both like, in blue or grey or—” Colby wasn’t quite meeting his eyes. Not looking at Jason. Words tumbling out like falling stones. He even took a tiny step back, and in doing so put a whole spike into Jason’s heart.

“Colby.” Would a step closer help? Trying to get Colby to see him? But nothing intimidating. No throwing weight around. “Look at me?”

Colby did, very obviously because Jason had asked, eyes big and blue and unhappy. He also said, “Sorry?” and then bit his lip, hard enough to leave pink marks.

Jason took a deep breath. Considered deep waters, hidden tides and undertows that could suck a person down, and the presence of very narrow stepping-stones that’d let him get this right. “I love you, okay? And I know you love me. You know I know that, right?”

Colby nodded, but slowly.

“Okay. Look, I wasn’t looking, and I stepped on your pen and got ink on the rug, and yeah, it was an accident, but it’s okay if you feel annoyed about it. You can be annoyed with me.”

“But I’m not.”

“Not even a little?”

“But it was my fault for dropping it—”

“And I stepped on it. And you love that pen. Go ahead and be upset about it.”

“Oh no.” Colby was shaking his head more; no, Jason understood abruptly. Colby was outright shaking. Physically. “No, I—I’m not, I can’t—”

“Colby,” Jason tried again. “You can say it.”

Colby took another step back, collided with the arm of the couch, and just sort of slid down to sit on the floor in a heap of long legs, trembling. “Jason, please—” His voice shook too, coming apart, suddenly near tears.

Jason swore at himself, silently. Careful, careful—tiny steps, not asking too much…

He knelt down next to Colby. Not reaching out. Not yet. “Can I touch you?”

Colby looked up, nodded, and then reached for him, hesitant but hopeful, unintentionally raking claws through Jason’s soul. Colby was so clearly scared, and equally clearly wanted to turn to him for safety. Wanted Jason’s arms.

He gathered Colby close. Held on tight.

Colby was actually crying, not just on the edge of it. Quietly, not causing a fuss, but really crying, face hidden in Jason’s chest. And still trembling.

The stepping-stones wobbled, on the brink of getting washed away. Jason’s heart pounded.

He rubbed Colby’s back, gently. He whispered, “I’m here. I’m here, I love you, it’s okay. You don’t have to get mad at me. I’m not going anywhere, I’m here, no matter what, all right?” and ran a hand over Colby’s hair. “We’re okay.”

One of Colby’s hands curled into Jason’s shirt, clinging.

“I’ve got you,” Jason told him, and leaned back against the side of the couch, Colby in his lap. The rug, stained in violet, lay sadly beside them. “You’re here, I’m here, we’re good. You can hold on, and I’m gonna hold on to you, and we can stay right here. As long as you want.”

Colby nodded again, against his chest. The trembling had gotten a little better, which was a good sign. Jason hoped so, at least.

He said, “I love you,” and kissed the top of Colby’s head, and then just rested their heads together. Colby’s hair brushed his cheek. “I love you. My Colby. And I’m yours, always, you know that. Your Jason.”

“I know,” Colby said, voice lace-thin but present.

“Good.”

book things!

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Re: Book things and apologies!

Re: Book things and apologies!